I’m hurting. I can’t sleep nd I feel like this is a bad dream. You’re gone. You waited for me to hear you say “ I love you papa” and I knew right then and there that hose would be your last words to me. You didn’t look like yourself and I knew you were tired and now you are resting and no longer suffering. I wasn’t expecting this, I thought I’m gonna go home see my mom and she’s gonna be good and will plan her party that she was looking forward to. You would face time the kids and me almost every day or get pictures. I’m sad mom we never had this talk other then you telling me not to cry when you die. I would always tell you I love you and you know how much you meant to me the kids and to the family. You were the glue that kept us all together and it showed yesterday when everybody came to see you. I’m sad mom I really am and I don’t know when I will be the same ol me cuz I’m hurting, my heart hurts for loie, the kids and the family. I know you were scared and didn’t want for this to happen but it did and now we’re all broken. Visit me mom, play songs that we liked send messages and please watch after Gigi and Z. I will make sure that he gets a good education and does something positive. You made a mark on this world and you touched so many peoples lives, there was only one Paula and I am going to miss you more than you will ever know. Please mom rest in peace and look over all of us. You got your mothers day card and Disneyland present before you left. I hope I can hold it together but I know I am going to crash when this is all over, I’m trying mom but you got me all messed up. I love you mom and I’ll never forget you or the things you taught me. I will tell stories to Z and Gigi so they don’t forget you. I love you with all my heart.