It has been a very long time since I have updated you guys. It’s 2025 and I just turned 40. We went to Hawaii and celebrated which was crazy.

Z you got a medal in BJJ that you earned back in November and it was a little shocking but you did it! This last tournament you got a slice of humble pie but you did good overall.

Gigi you are into rainbow high dolls and just got a house for your dolls.

As for Daddy. I am okay. Still don’t have any patience but we are slowly getting there. I love both of my jobs and am actually doing a month long supervising position which is kinda cool. I love my sleep so will see how it goes. I love you both more than I think you guys will ever know and I hope one day when I am gone yall can look back at these things and read them and know that I love you guys and I am proud of you guys and I thank God for allowing me to be your Daddy.

With all of my heart I love you guys!

Daddy

Gonna be short and sweet but it was an amazing Fathers Day weekend. Not as cool as Cabo but it was fun. I got to be by the ocean got some good food and sun and have my babies with me. We went to church got to eat some tostadas and I was happy. Sports were on TV so no complaints from me. I love you guys! Here is a photo of our weekend getaway!

Its been hard. I have very little patience I am sad and I am not going through the motions but I am getting by. I try every day to be strong but there are some days where I feel like I don’t know what is going on and I can’t remember things. I am thankful for everything but am also reminded of this life and how short it is. I am trying to be better but I think I worry too much which might be causing this. It really sucks because we were on vacation in Cabo and I had an amazing time. It was beautiful to just chill and be with you guys. Anyways its late. I have to go to bed but I love you guys and I hope when we go to see Bluey I will be feeling better and be present. Z and Gigi you guys honestly keep me going and what push me.

Well my day has been empty and I have been in my feelings but haven’t shown it. I am sad inside and I miss you. I celebrated Gabbys mom because she’s the only mom I got now. I wish you were here so I could celebrate you and now I cant anymore. We went to church last week and the father brought up mothers day and it reminded me years ago when the man at St. Marys did a poem and I laughed at you for crying and we made a joke out if it. Now Lolie and I are finalizing your stone. I miss you mom and I wish you were here. It makes me sad to know that my Z and Gigi won’t get to have you in their lives and hear stories from you.

Z you are doing so good and you make me the happiest dad every day. Gigi you are the cutest and such a sour patch. Gabby/mommy goes to Europe in a week and we go on vacation tomorrow. I am not stressed but I am stressed. I hope everything goes as planned and we have fun. I love you guys and am so proud. Happy Mother’s Day to Gabby, mama Mary and my mama.

Peace and Love

Chago

Quick write up. This last weekend we went to my friends baptism and had a lot of fun. Gigi you were social thankfully and I was very impressed with your growth. Z you went out to the bolo and got some money. On Sunday we had burgers after church. It was nice to be with family!

Okay guys just wanted to do a quick check in and I will write again soon.

Hello Babies,

You are 8 Zebastian and Gigi you are 3. I just got home from work and you guys are playing at the park with mommy. I just wanna tell you guys I love you and I am so proud of you guys. I won’t be here forever unfortunately but I promise while I am here to love you guys and try my best as your daddy to do whatever I can so you guys both have everything you guys want. I am really scared of not being there for you guys one day and I know it sucks trust me. I miss papa Miguel and Grandma Paula every day and I wish I could here them talk to me and have them tell me they love me and are proud of me.

Z you are such a good boy. We go skating around the neighborhood and you go hella fast. I have videos of you so you can be like damn I was a savage. You are a weenie too lol but its okay you are innocent. Gigi you are semi potty trained. You still poop yourself even though you know you need to go you still go in your underwear. We went to the snow and it was amazing.

We love you guys and I hope to God that he gives me a long life with you both so one day I will take care of my grand babies.

I love you

Daddy

Hi Z and Gigi!

Its been awhile since I’ve written yall. I just wanted to update yall. Things are going good but I am struggling with you two. I love you guys so much and I just want to hold you guys and not let you guys grow up. Z you are doing amazing in school and in sports, you’re not the best but you love to smile and be a kid and that’s all that I can ask for. Gigi you are going to speech and doing amazing too. Right now going number 2 isn’t the best but you are trying lol you’re not you just hide and come back and say poo poo. I didn’t yell but I was like Gigi in the potty and you got a little emo like always. Okay I love you guys and I will write again soon.

Hi Mom,

It’s Gabbys birthday and I’m charging. I think about you everyday and I miss you. I am doing okay but I have my moments. I miss your voice, your wisdom and your ability to make me understand when I don’t have the ability to understand. I haven’t told Z. I told gigi but she’s 3. I do feel like you are around though. I have you as a butterfly who has been visiting me since the services. You would have been proud of everyone. We all stepped up and showed you love. I know your ass would have been loving everything and that makes me smile. I just wanted to write you and tell you that I miss you and will not let the kids forget about you and share all the love I can with the world. I love you mom.

I’m hurting. I can’t sleep nd I feel like this is a bad dream. You’re gone. You waited for me to hear you say “ I love you papa” and I knew right then and there that hose would be your last words to me. You didn’t look like yourself and I knew you were tired and now you are resting and no longer suffering. I wasn’t expecting this, I thought I’m gonna go home see my mom and she’s gonna be good and will plan her party that she was looking forward to. You would face time the kids and me almost every day or get pictures. I’m sad mom we never had this talk other then you telling me not to cry when you die. I would always tell you I love you and you know how much you meant to me the kids and to the family. You were the glue that kept us all together and it showed yesterday when everybody came to see you. I’m sad mom I really am and I don’t know when I will be the same ol me cuz I’m hurting, my heart hurts for loie, the kids and the family. I know you were scared and didn’t want for this to happen but it did and now we’re all broken. Visit me mom, play songs that we liked send messages and please watch after Gigi and Z. I will make sure that he gets a good education and does something positive. You made a mark on this world and you touched so many peoples lives, there was only one Paula and I am going to miss you more than you will ever know. Please mom rest in peace and look over all of us. You got your mothers day card and Disneyland present before you left. I hope I can hold it together but I know I am going to crash when this is all over, I’m trying mom but you got me all messed up. I love you mom and I’ll never forget you or the things you taught me. I will tell stories to Z and Gigi so they don’t forget you. I love you with all my heart.

Hi Z and Gigi!!!

Well i forgot to write you a few weeks ago when we had our best family weekend. I was like what did we do then it came back to me. We did Disney on ice and then had lunch with tia Nena and Tommy. We ate at the lazy dog and just enjoyed each other’s company. I had that weekend off and I think we went wine tasting but we just had fun as a family. I’m learning more and more to be present. I am working on not being on my cell and doing things with you guys more and more. I mean I do already but I do get distracted with work and other things but I’m always focused on you two and mommy.

Z right now you’re doing good in school and having fun playing baseball and football. I don’t know if football is your thing but you like it. I went to the Zoo with you on a field trip, you went on the bus by yourself and I was proud. You’re growing up fast and it’s sad because you’re not my little boy anymore but you will always be my baby okay!!

Gigi you went back to school!!! You are slowly coming to me more and more and I love it. I love you so much and you bring so much love to all of us. Mommy took you to school and you did amazing but also wanted to leave when you were ready.

Overall we are doing good as a family. We all love one another and love our routine. I love you guys more then you will ever know and I appreciate you both and all of the love, hugs and kisses I get from my babies!!

Love you,

Daddy