I love you guys so much. Today I am sad. There’s too much violence and police brutality. It’s not all cops but I shouldn’t be afraid to get pulled over!!
Right now I’m just chilling and bout to go upstairs soon but I wanted to write you both. Z we had a good week. I am sorry for ever pushing you or not listening to you. I believe in you and want you to know that mommy and daddy love you and are proud of you no matter what. I struggled with myself and my patience cuz you played football and did good but I wanted you to get some flags lol but you didn’t. You are a happy boy and that’s all that matters!
Gigi,
You love mommy and papa and that’s about it. You run to them and always wanna be with them and not me. Do I get sad yes a little bit but I know you love me and call for me so it’s okay. It’s just a temporary thing but know that your daddy loves you!!
We love you both and we will always support you both in whatever it is that you do.
Today is your bday and we celebrated you at Disneyland! I had an amazing day with the kids and Gabby! We had a beautiful breakfast today and everything about today was good. Obviously it’s hard but I am living life the way you would want us to! I love you and miss you over.
Z WOW!! You went on all the grown ass rides!! Savage! Gig you stayed on mamas hip the whole day. I love you guys so much. Z you told the uber driver I already know how to open a tesla door my daddy has one lol.
Gabby thanks for keeping me focused. There’s a choice and attitude and I am constantly choosing to have a good attitude and choose to be better every day.
I haven’t gotten to y’all since April and a lot has happened since then. Right now our family is getting rid of the vid. We got it except for you Z. I tested negative today, Gigi got a fever and mommy got it a little worse.
School started last week for you Z and you’re doing good so far. We have been putting in work for you and your reading in addition to your sight words.
Gigi you are crazy, wild, innocent and sweet. We love you and admire you so much.
Z it’s almost your birthday, you have lost a few teeth and the tooth fairy been hooking you up.
I’m bout to go upstairs but I will write you and update you on what has happened since April. Love you,
I love being yalls daddy. I am I think a good Daddy but sometimes I mess up. I definitely learned from my mistakes and thank God that I have you both. I think having y’all has made me not do stupid things.
Z you are doing so good and I’m so proud of you. You are doing well in school and doing good in sports. You asked to practice catching and throwing, hitting and I couldn’t have been any happier. We also have a neighbor Carlos who has been coming around playing baseball with us which is a cool thing since I had that as a kid growing up.
Gigi you love having your damn chupon. When we take it out you go looking for it and or your damn blanket. You try and sleep in our bed too. Z has bunk beds and he comes to our room or doesn’t even try he straight up sleeps in our bed.
Kids I love you and like my papa would tell me life is good. Your mom loves you guys more then anything in the world and I appreciate her and she’s a very good mom to you and a good wife to me.
Mom took you on a movie date yesterday with a friend from the bulldogs. We went golfing and mommy was surprised on how good you did. Gigi got dirty and ran around while we played.
We also went on a field trip that you did amazing on. Makes my heart full knowing I was there for you on your first field trip.
Today kinda sucked for me. I miss grandpa Miguel and could really use his words of wisdom. Nothing is going on but I just miss him and wish he could physically be here to see you play games and grow up. He was so proud of you and loved seeing you grow up.
Gigi you are getting so big so fast and I wish I could hold you forever. This week was crazy Z had so much going on with baseball, football and school pictures. We just got his report card and you are improving! Z you are the sweetest kid and the best big brother.
Last week Daddy went on a snowboarding trip and it was fun but I didn’t wanna go. I cried leaving yall and I told myself that I needed to be a big boi. I said a prayer to have God return me safe to yall and he did.
It’s getting late so I’m gonna go now but I love you both and hope one day y’all read this and know how much Daddy loves you.
It’s been a long time. I didn’t write y’all aince before Christmas. Z you got sick right before and then mama mari got sick and papa David. I was a little out of it since it was papa Miguel’s 1 year anniversary so it was hard. We had Christmas and New Years here with the rest of the family. I wanna fix up the garage and really make it into another room.
For my birthday we went to San Diego and that was fun. The Safari Zoo was super cool and so much fun. We stayed at a whack ass hotel that we were hella pumped about but it sucked and was weak. We did go to Santa Barbra which was nice and I’m happy we got to experience that.
Present day you got Covid Z and you did good but it’s fucking you up. Gigi got it and y’all were/are throwing up but hopefully y’all will get better. Mommy got sick too so I’m hoping I don’t get it.
I sold the tahoe and using mama Paula’s car. We’re okay. We fight alot but that’s us I guess. She was sick and went to the hospital and had surgery but she’s doing good. She really loves you guys and misses y’all. I wish she lived closer so she could see you guys.
Overall I’m doing good. I love seeing y’all grow up. I smile and just wish I could keep you guys little and protected as much as possible but that’s not reality or what I know yall need.
I love you both! It’s December 3, 2021 and I’m feeling a little weird. It’s almost been a year from when I was losing my big boi without knowing it was gonna happen. A lot of thing’s have happened some I remember and some that I don’t.
Right now I am focusing on the positives which is the both of you and mommy. My papa’s birthday is tomorrow and I am thinking and hoping that when it’s my birthday y’all come and spend it with me or I can go wherever y’all are.
Z last night a wasp stung you and you cried then asked for a game on your ipad and just like that you we’re good as new. Gigi was even phased and just continued to play. You went to sleep and woke up in the morning asking me about the elf and to charge your ipad lol.
Okay kids there’s someone coming to fix the leak so I love you and I’ll talk to you soon.
It’s been a very long time. We had thanksgiving today which was a day early but it’s all good. I didn’t cool anything, I didn’t fee like it or have the energy to do so. It’s almost a year and it’s hard that my Daddy left us. I finally told you that papa went to Heaven and I cried telling you and was also happy that I got to tell you and it was a relief. Z you’re in first grade and have a crush named Aubry and I think it’s cute. Z you lost 2 teeth and the tooth fairy gave you a little bit of money that you eventually used to go to the movies. Yoh have no idea on how much money we spend on you daily/weekly with toys and games that you play and want.
Gigi you’re almost 18 months and are full of love. You walk and are starting to talk. You climb up everything and yell lol. We all love you and adore you.
I’m gonna sell the Tahoe. I’m getting some good money for it and am happy about it. I want to get a tesla and will get it by this next June hopefully. I personally am struggling with everything around papa Miguel but my work family wrote in a journal and showed me love which was amazing and I did not expect it so I was very touched by it. It’s almost 11pm and I gotta get some rest cuz today was a long day.
Well it’s been way to long and I’m sorry. I’m doing okay papa. You’re at home with mommy and Gigi and I’m here at work. You’re 6 years old and I’m lucky to be your dad. Z you did amazing in baseball and I’m so happy you got to play. Right now you are in first grade and are starting to play football. Z you are so innocent and I don’t cry you know but I do get very emotional when I think about you and how you’re independent now. You are in first grade and I watch you at recess and at lunch and hope and pray everyday that you are being good and people are being nice to you since you are my baby. I hope Z that you are being nice and caring to everyone because you never know what people are going through and they might need a smile to make them happy or lift their spirits.
I miss you Z and I wish you really knew how much I love you. I always say that I’m a bad dad cuz I wanna discipline you and catch you with some hot ones when you’re yelling or making a scene but your mama always has your back when I try and get you. It’s all good Z I love you anyways.
School for you right now is a struggle but you had a mental health day on Friday and didn’t have the I pad or switch so you were bored and you seen your friends and were like daddy can I go to school now and you said that around 12 when you had 2 hours left of school which was funny. So far so good though papa like I said I get scared especially with Covid I seen you once when you had pneumonia I cried and don’t want to see you sick again.
For me Z I’m okay, I struggle at times cuz I miss my dad and I wish he was here to guide me with my life and choices but it makes me want to be a better dad to you. I think I had the best dad and I still think I do but I wanna be present and watch you grow up and one day be a daddy like me.
Gigi,
You’re one and you are a mini me of Z! I cry when I see you as you look just like Z when you get out of the bathtub. I cry and laugh and smile and your mom is like wtf but I love your brother and I love you too. You’re so beautiful and such a brat. I wish I could freeze time but time don’t stop for nobody. I’m enjoying everyday that I’m with you. We bought you new shows yesterday and I think you’re walking a little late but you’re 15 months and finally walking. I say that your lazy but you’re not we just spoil you and hold you. We had your baptism and Lorena and Alex are your nino and nina.
Okay Gigi and Z I gotta get back to work but I’ll be in touch with you again soon!
I’m in Mexico thinking of the both of you and of course mommy and daddy miss you like crazy. Happy 1st birthday Gigi we celebrated you on Thursday and you were the cutest. Z you graduated from kinder and were an awesome student. Mother’s Day was the best for mama. We all went to PG and had coffee and a light breakfast and walked out scenic route.
I can’t think of everything that has happened but I of course wanted you both to know that I love you more then anything in this world and am working hard to make sure that when we have our first family vacation as 4 that it’s perfect. I love you both very much and I can’t wait to back with you all soon.
daddytozebastian 