Hi Papa,

Right now I’m feeling a little emotional because I love you so much. Yesterday we took you to the doctors to get your 15 month check up and I was solo this time, we had your grandma and grandpa there for support but it ain’t the same. Mommy had to work so it was just you and I, it always hurts me to hear you cry but I had to be strong because you were looking at me for strength. Last night (or the same day) I was holding you and putting you to sleep which makes me emo because I love you so much and don’t ever want to leave your side or disappoint you. 

I always tell people that my best job or accomplishment is being a Daddy to Zebastian Zidane Gaitan. I hope one day you will be proud of me and mommy for the sacrifices and love that we have made for you. Z I’m sorry that your gonna have a cry baby Daddy but I will do my best to keep my emotions in check. 

Okay papa, it’s another day that I have to get up and go to work and your asleep. You did amazing during your visit and last night you slept like a baby.

I love you papa!

Love you,

Daddy 

Hi Papa,

Right now you’re asleep and we’re all trying to rest. I want to give you a quick update on things and keep you posted on how things are going. Work is work, the best thing is being able to wake up to you, have lunch dates with you and mommy and getting home early. 

You’re understanding more and more, you stick out your lengua, you point to your nose, do your eyes when we ask and are loving any ball that come into your sight. 

In current events the Cubs won the world series for the first time in over 100 years. There is also going to be a new president that is controversial but the American people voted for him and he will be our leader. I’m nervous for him to be president but he deserves a chance so we shall see.

All in all everything is going good. I love you with every thing I got and I am just happy that God made me your daddy. You are the reason why I was made to be here on this earth and the reason why I worked so hard when I had nothing. Z, I would tell myself when I was down or wanting to give up that you need to do it for your family and your kids, you gotta fight for them and I still have that mind set. I want you to think like me but not to act like me. I’m different and I always feel like I got to show people what’s up or prove myself so that I get the respect I want. 

Z, when you get older you’re gonna be put in some different situations and it’s up to you to let them know what’s up and tell them that you don’t play cuz it’s about respect and relationships and not about a title or reputation it’s about the now and how you make others feel.

Alright that was a little rant but you will understand when you get older.

I love you papa and you’re the best side kick and son that I could have ever wanted.

Btw you didn’t like your costume 

Hello Papa,

• It’s 850am and you’re still asleep  just wanted to say hello and tell you I love you!! You’re going to be 15 months  in 2 weeks and I’m amazed to see how fast time goes and how it don’t stop. Last year around this time you were tiny and we all wanted you to gain weight and be cool. Now you’re running around the house yelling and screaming, dancing and wanting to be into everything. You love being outside and you love to be loved for sure. Mommy recently got you a slide that you love and that you go up and down on your own. You have no chill Z, you ain’t even scared which to me is the scary part. After each time going down the slide we all clap for you and then you clap too will show you the videos when you get older.                    You just woke up so I’ll ttyl 

Love you,

Daddy

 

Zebastian, 

You’re walking!!! The days of you crawling or being unsure are now over. It’s actually been about a month that you have been walking but a lot has gone on since I last wrote you. 

Let’s start off with the end of mommy and I coming back from vacation. I think it was much needed but it was also amazing to be back. We missed you and won’t vacation without you for awhile. 

During our vacation I got called for an interview about a coaching job which I was in shock about because I was unsure if I wanted to pursue a new job and a different city u  addition to meeting new folks etc. I ended up getting the interview and before I left I gave you a kiss and said I love you and went out the door and told myself that this is for Z this is for he and I to be able to spend more time together and for me to be closer to you instead of an hour and fifteen or more. 

I interviewed and I got hired almost immediately. I got a call 2 hours later and was in utter shock that I was leaving everything behind to be right here with you. I’m leaving all of my friends and connections but I know I will be much happier and I will have you close to me everyday. 

I started my new job at the end of September and I couldn’t have been more excited/scared and nervous as all is this happend so fast. I knew I needed to move on as I was in need of a new challenge and I think I have that now. 

During all of this time you started to get up on your own you started to walk longer distances. You have curly curly hair in the back and have a huge smile that melts my heart. 

Z you sleep really well every night and are still being fed at night by mommy and daddy. I think you can go with out it now since you’re getting bigger but mommy seems to think that you need to be fed still. I think we might regret it later on but for now it’s all good. 

I’ll write you some more soon. I’m going off on too many things and I need to focus the topics and all that instead of everything at once. 
Love you,

Daddy 

Hi Papa,

This is a late blog post but I still think I should update you. Papa your mommy and daddy went to Cabo for mama’s and beccas  dirty 30. We were obviously torn as we love you more then anything but knew you would be in good hands with your abuelos. 

We left on a Friday and you woke up, I didn’t want to say bye to you in the morning ingredients but I had no choice. I got a little chocked up but I was still good enough to hold back any tears or show my hear break.  Everyday we missed you but we called and would get snapchats and it was all good but we did miss you like crazy. We wish you were there but we’re gonna wait until you get a little older to take you so that you can enjoy it. We did see a lot of babies there and we knew the parents were taking them on vacation too but we were like nahhh. Z would hate this and we wouldn’t want you to be all uncomfortable. 

Mommy and daddy had a blast we slept, took naps, got turnt up and swam a lot. Mommy can’t swim but I bought a noodle and then we were able to get some more from our hotel so that was cool too. We stayed at Casa Dorado which was amazing and we can’t wait till you go with us  we even got a yacht and I jumped off the top of it. I was scared but I always wanted to jump off of a boat so it was cool. 

We missed you papa but we know that we did it for one another because mommy and daddy needed a vacation. We feel 100% better and are recharged. 

Love you Papa,

Daddy 

Zebastian!!!

You’re 1 one year old already. Damn I can’t believe it. You had a good day and we’re loved by everyone. I don’t remember if I cried or not but I’m sure I got a little teary eyed just because you’re so special to mommy and I. You slept in and woke up around 9am which was cool because I got to wake up and get a coffee before you woke up. 

As soon as you opened up those little eyes I grabbed you and gave you a big hug and a kiss and sang you happy birthday!! You smiled like always and then we went into the hallway where I grabbed the camcorder and recorded your reactions to the balloons on the floor that were for you. You played a little and then had some cream of wheat which is one of daddy’s favorites. 

You had a chill day overall, mommy and daddy wanted to make sure you slept on time and ate on schedule so it was good. Mommy and daddy didn’t really know what to do as you are still in our eyes tiny and fragile and we didn’t wanna take you to Disneyland as we were planning because you might not enjoy it or have a good experience but it’s prolly us as your parents being paranoid. 

We had cake which you got hyper with and had a lot of energy later but it was definitely good to see you smile and have all this positive energy. A year ago you were in the NICU and we were scared because we didn’t know what was going to happen. 

All in all papa it was a good day. On the 14th we went to Santa Cruz and got some Acai bowls which you ate and then came home and that’s really it. I’m going to go back to work on Thursday and I’m going to enjoy these next few days with you since it won’t be like this till Christmas break. 

You are twice today and we went on a short walk and I plan on doing that again once you wake up. I’m all over the place today but I think you can figure that out by now. 

I love you papa,

Daddy 

Zebastian,

You’re asleep right now next to me and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been with you for the summer and it’s been really cool, I’ve been telling mommy that we have a bond that I can’t put into words and a love for one another that I feel only a father and son can have. 

Tomorrow is your 1st birthday and it’s huge. You were born last year and we couldn’t believe it. I have been super emo thinking about the last year with you in my life. I love taking naps with you and love watching you wake up. It’s pretty funny and sometimes I can’t even tell if your eyes are open or closed because they’re so small. 

You have changed my life and have made mommy and I very proud parents. I hope you feel the love and know that you have 2 people who love you and will do whatever we can to provide for you. 

I still remember when you took your first breath, when they were washing you off and they showed you to mommy to when you held my finger. Z you were so tiny at 3lbs 13oz I was holding back tears because I had to be strong and didn’t want to be a cry baby but this whole experience has been a roller coaster of emotions because you don’t speak yet and we have non verbal communication which is what every baby and parents go through so it’s all good. So many good memories and pictures that we will share with you. 

I’m out papa, I gotta go and get a coffee and a snack before you wake up. 

I love you my little angel. 

Love,

Daddy 

Hi Papa,

I don’t want you to grow up!!! Right now you crawl to me and jump in my arms and yes you are getting heavy but I love when you do that and I am loving our time together. I guess I’m getting emo because I see you more and more everyday trying new things are taking new risk and I know that walking is in the near future then talking and then boom you’re going to school. I’m prolly getting ahead of myself but everyone I talk to tells me to enjoy this time with you because they grow so quick. It’s almost your 1st birthday and I can still remember the week we had at the NICU the nurses the happiness and fears that we had with you then to see you now it’s like damn what a blessing you are to mommy and I. 

There’s a saying that I say and that others say which is time is money. I found myself thinking about that this week as I’m on break and yes money is great because it pays the bills and all that but time is priceless and something that we never get back. The reason why I’m bringing this up or why it got my attention is because I love the time that I’m spending with you and this time that I have with you is priceless. I have a ton of support here but man it’s a struggle sometimes you know I give mad props to all the singles parents out there. I have to make sure your needs are met that your fed and on your sleeping schedule in addition to giving you vitamins taking you on walks and I don’t know what other things we do but I’m sure it’s something that keeps us busy. 

You’re a real blessing to me and I will try and be the best daddy that I can be to you. As much as I want to freeze time I know I have to let you grow up and be your own person. I will let you fall and pick you up but I wanna make sure that you learn how to pick yourself up and keep it moving. 

I love you papa,

Daddy 

Hello Papa,

It’s about 8am and you’ve been asleep for about 30 minutes after waking up at 6am. I’m not tripping though since I got some good sleep in. I’m a little sick but I’m good overall. We were planning on going to the 209 this weekend but I ain’t feeling good so we’re gonna chill here. I wanted to go so that the family can see you since it’s been awhile. I don’t like them not being able to see you for such a long time but hopefully I can go next weekend so they can see how big your getting. 

Yesterday was my Tio Roberts birthday in which he would have turned 54 years old. I wish I could have been there with the family but it’s hard when we live far away. My Tio wasn’t perfect but he loved his family. It’s a trip too because we are here a minute and gone the next. As your Daddy now I know what my parents prolly feel and that’s a love and caring feeling that won’t ever go away. I love your grandparents no matter how far they are away from me and I hope that you will love me that much when you get my age. 

Last night when you were asleep I told you I would always be there and that I will always try and provide for you. Don’t get it twisted though Z I ain’t gonna bail you out all crazy I’m gonna let you learn somethings  the hard way so that you know what it’s like to work and get back up because the world we living in is crazy. I don’t even wanna tell you all the stuff that is going on but be careful and make smart decisions. 

Zebastian Zidane you are almost a year old and I get a little emotional when I look back on the time you were born to the time that you spent in the NICU to the times that you have smiled and crawled into my lap or arms. You’re our little miracle and you bring us all so much love. I thought what would I have done if something had happend to you and I know I would have been hurting but I honestly never even thought that I knew you would survive and you did. My mother in law told me and so did my dad that they were praying because you were so small and I was like shit I knew he was gonna make it but they also knew that it’s hard for babies to survive. Bottom line Z is that you have been a fighter from day one. You’re our papa bear and our world. I kind of just went out of the blue with this but I thought I’d share with you how I felt because it was a crazy week with you and it’s been a fun ride ever since 

Okay Z you’re waking up so I gotta go back to daddy duty but I love you papa and you are gonna have a nice shoe game when you start to walk. 

Love you,

Daddy

Hi Papa,

Damn Z you’re growing and are seriously learning and exploring everything everyday. Right now you are climbing up the sofa and trying to get out of your crib. You got a toy this weekend and you caught on quick. The toy is an elephant with 3 balls that you put in his nose/spout and you learned how to do that after watching mama do it. We got you a little car yesterday too that you loved. You’re spoiled baby boy a new car seat as well and some new clothes. Right now you have also learned how to make your self heavier by essentially making yourself “deadweight” it’s pretty funny because we will carry you and you don’t want to be carried so you wiggle out of it and crawl to wherever you want. You are getting more and more curious with things and exploring everything. We got you a new stroller that you love and we like it too since it’s so light and has a lot of shade for you. 

Since it’s summer I’m spending more and more time with you which is cool cuz I feel we are bonding and chilling with one another. 

That’s it for now. I’ll Holla at you later papa. 
Love you,

Daddy