I’m sad and lost. I’m writing cuz maybe it will help me. An accident happened yesterday when I wasn’t home and now you’re in Palo Alto. I’m numb and I know things are looking good but all these what ifs are playing out in my head. I don’t know and I hope that none of this will affect you growing up but there’s a possibility. I slept by myself yesterday and I didn’t like it. I didn’t have you or your brother with me and I didn’t sleep. I felt like this was a bad dream or something that just wasn’t real. I worked yesterday and put up a front. I haven’t really cried either. I’m mad and I’m never really mad but I’m just frustrated on what happened and don’t know how to feel. Shit happens but shot like that shouldn’t happen and just cuz it happens often dose not mean that it’s okay. I’m very protective of my kids and my money and you can’t mess with those. I’m hurt and even if you are okay I’m still hurt because that’s just me. Maybe this will make me stronger or maybe I won’t ever be able to get passed this only time will tell.

The 9 days that I’ve had with you have been amazing. I tell people how in love I am with you and how obsessed your brother is. We love you like you can’t even imagine. My favorite thing to do is just stare at you and hold you. I haven’t given you a big kiss because I’m scared but with this shit happening I’m going to start to do it. My life is upside down right now and hopefully when you get back I’ll be okay but will see.

Nurses have said that you are adorable, pretty and beautiful. I smile cuz most babies look like grumpy old people but you are beautiful and Cush a sweet heart. You have us wrapped around your little finger snd we could be more in love.

Z I love you. You’re such a good big brother and I wish I could be with you during this time. I have nothing right now but I’ll make it up to you as soon as GG comes back to us. You’re chilling with your grandparents without a worry in the world. I wish you could be here with me to try and make me feel better but I know you’re having fun. I’ll write to you again soon papa.

Well I’m gonna go and try and sleep or do something to keep my mind occupied. I love you Gizel and I can’t wait till you come back home so I can be even more tired from not sleeping but at least I know you will be in our bed and in our arms. I love you baby girl!

Love you,

Daddy