Dad,

You fought your hardest to and you fought till the end but your body did what it could. I know you made it right on time for dinner with Grandma and I’m okay with that. I’m sad Dad, I’m hurting and I feel like shit. I want you to be here because you are the reason and the strength behind all of your kids. Yes we love our moms but we all knew who to talk to when we had a critical decision or tough decision to make. Dad you were there for me when Gabby had Z and prepared me for might have happened and I specifically remember saying no this motherfucker is going to make it and he did.

Dad I had a shot today and a beer for you. I cried like a baby and I’ve been crying the last 12 days but I had faith that you were gonna make it. I know you gave it your all and I’m just thankful that you tried to make it. You fought hard dad and I know we’re all handling it different. Lola is okay and so is Meg. I haven’t been able to talk to Miguelito but I’m gonna try and reach out. He’s the baby of the 4 of us.

Dad I don’t have the words or the energy to be honest to write you more cuz I’m so tired mentally and emotionally. It’s been a roller coaster and I hope when I go to sleep tonight I dream about you and doing whatever it is that we would do together. You waited a week till your birthday to go. We celebrated your birthday with a big carna asada and I felt like you were there.

Today we went to church and we prayed and Father Freddy was there and he said he’s gonna pray for you for the next 3 weeks. We’re gonna pray too and I prayed that if this was your day/time then to let you go peacefully and be with Grandma. You called yourself el gato and like always I believed you were gonna make it and you had 9 lives. I think the time ran out but it’s all good. Life is good and you say that all the time. Life is good. I spoil my kids like how you spoil us and I’ll keep all of the things that you got Z and Gigi and the things that you got me. I have my jacket and beanie that I will wear as it will be like getting a big hug from you and you keeping me warm. Dad I miss you there’s no doubt about that but I’m thankful that I had you for almost 36 years it’s 2 weeks away from Christmas and then 2 weeks after that it’s my birthday so I of course will have a hard time but I will do what you always want and that’s work and provide for the family.

Dad right now it’s raining and almost 5 hours since you left us. I’m gonna go to bed now and hope that the rain and your voice tells me that you are okay and with grandma. I have high expectations that you will take care of me and be our guardian Angel. Say hi to grandma and grandpa, Grandpa Santos, Luna and everyone else with you. I know you are probably laughing and have a bottle of tequila with you saying let’s party!! I’ve been listening to Tone Lok and Biggie. They remind me of you. Dad please make sure that we’re all okay and that you take care of us and look after us. I miss you and love you over. Over and out! Rest in Power Big Boi

Gabby,

It hasn’t been easy but you’ve done everything you can to try and make me feel better and I hope I can repay you for that when I am 100%. I’m going to bed and I hope I can be better tomorrow and the next coming days. I’m heartbroken 😔 I love you baby.