Well shit is crazy in California are home state. Fires and Covid has been nuts. Z you’re basically getting home schooled and Gigi you’re just eating and sleeping lol.
Today is Kobe’s day and I felt happy but sad at the same time. I looked up to Kobe for being a girl dad and I have you Gigi and I remember crying like a baby cuz he passed with 4 girls and one passed with him.
Today we did a carna asada for him and I got tipsy but not all crazy. I didn’t give a speech out loud cuz I knew I would get emotional but I did say I’m happy we are together as a family and we are all alive and doing well.
Anyways I gotta make this quick but I love you both and you both make me a better person. I love you guys!
Damn Z what an amazing day it was to celebrate your birthday! We had a doughnut b day pyramid for you and mama and papa came to surprise you in the morning after school. Your new classmates sang HBD and you loved it. You were shy but you did say thank you and enjoyed it which was amazing to see. We went and ran errands and we both got haircuts.
After all that was done we set up the pool and you went swimming which was cool. You have a little kid pool but you looked amazing and I loved it. We rode bikes and we had a dinner for you. S’mores and cake was amazing as well.
The highlight was seeing you open your gifts and everyone got you gifts which was amazing and awesome. You are so loved and the expressions you gave were so innocent and of pure joy.
Prior to all of this I was upstairs with your mom and I was reading her my post on IG. I started to cry because I love you so much. I cried for like 10 minutes because I always tel you I love you but I never sit back and reflect on the joy that you have given me as being your daddy. So I cried in the bathroom as I was just sobbing because I don’t want you to ever get hurt and I want you to be my baby forever but I know that’s not gonna happen. Part of you growing up is learning how to get back up when you fall down and I want to give you those skills so you know that you’re the bomb and nobody can touch you or take that away from you. SHSF papa!
You got some amazing gifts but the best ones were your Jelly shirt and your shark that Gigi got you! Z please be responsible and look after your sister because y’all are blood and we gotta take care of one another.
You all up in the bed still! But the truth is I wouldn’t have it any other way! I love co sleeping with you and mommy and sometimes Gigi. Right now everyone is asleep and we got a surprise for you in the morning for your 5th birthday. It seems like yesterday you were born and I still cry when I see you because I am so proud of you. You are a handful though you have an attitude, no patience and hate being told what to do! I think I described myself too lol. Anyways Z please continue to be the best you and big brother that you are. We love you and I wish I could freeze time but life moves on and the sun rises everyday so let’s keep on trucking and I look forward in seeing you accomplish all of the things that you set out for and then some.
It’s bed time but I wanna tell you both how happy I am and how much I love you both. It’s gonna be short but Z you love your sissy and always jump, kiss and wanna hold your sissy when she’s being fed or sleeping. Gigi you’re gaining weight and showing good signs that you’re getting bigger and that everything is okay. Everyone sleeps in the middle and I love it. My neck and my back don’t but whatever.
I’m sad and lost. I’m writing cuz maybe it will help me. An accident happened yesterday when I wasn’t home and now you’re in Palo Alto. I’m numb and I know things are looking good but all these what ifs are playing out in my head. I don’t know and I hope that none of this will affect you growing up but there’s a possibility. I slept by myself yesterday and I didn’t like it. I didn’t have you or your brother with me and I didn’t sleep. I felt like this was a bad dream or something that just wasn’t real. I worked yesterday and put up a front. I haven’t really cried either. I’m mad and I’m never really mad but I’m just frustrated on what happened and don’t know how to feel. Shit happens but shot like that shouldn’t happen and just cuz it happens often dose not mean that it’s okay. I’m very protective of my kids and my money and you can’t mess with those. I’m hurt and even if you are okay I’m still hurt because that’s just me. Maybe this will make me stronger or maybe I won’t ever be able to get passed this only time will tell.
The 9 days that I’ve had with you have been amazing. I tell people how in love I am with you and how obsessed your brother is. We love you like you can’t even imagine. My favorite thing to do is just stare at you and hold you. I haven’t given you a big kiss because I’m scared but with this shit happening I’m going to start to do it. My life is upside down right now and hopefully when you get back I’ll be okay but will see.
Nurses have said that you are adorable, pretty and beautiful. I smile cuz most babies look like grumpy old people but you are beautiful and Cush a sweet heart. You have us wrapped around your little finger snd we could be more in love.
Z I love you. You’re such a good big brother and I wish I could be with you during this time. I have nothing right now but I’ll make it up to you as soon as GG comes back to us. You’re chilling with your grandparents without a worry in the world. I wish you could be here with me to try and make me feel better but I know you’re having fun. I’ll write to you again soon papa.
Well I’m gonna go and try and sleep or do something to keep my mind occupied. I love you Gizel and I can’t wait till you come back home so I can be even more tired from not sleeping but at least I know you will be in our bed and in our arms. I love you baby girl!
Today is I think the 30th and I just checked and it is. I slept with GG her first night and was useless. I slept almost the whole night and felt bad. The second night I slept with Zebastian who woke up around 3 with a bloody nose. Mommy stayed with you GG so she’s a trooper. Friday I woke up with Z made him his breakfast and did some stuff then came to the hospital. I fixed an I pad that I got for mommy 4 years ago I think that she lost when your brother was around 1 or so. We’ve been watching our shows on it to pass the time. Mommy is breastfeeding and pumping to get you milk and so far so good.
Right now it’s about 2am and I’ve been up for an hour or more so that mommy can rest but you all up on her literally won’t let her chill or sleep without you on her boobs. You’ve been a good baby so far and you are wearing premie diapers. You took a big dump on me well not on me but while I was changing you and I laughed because your brother did the same thing to me. I am feeling good and confident about you and about being a girl dad. I’ll be very honest I didn’t know if I could love anyone as much as I love your brother and I did want a boy so your brother could play sports with and when I found out you were a girl I was like oh shit I don’t know nothing about them. I still don’t know anything but I love being a girl dad and I do love you like no words can describe. I’m gonna do my best to be the best example that I can be as well as teach you to be independent.
Zebastian,
You’re the best! You my friend are a beautiful human being. You have so much love to give and want to be reunited with your family. I spent the night with you on Thursday and I knew you needed daddy since you were sad these last few days. We played dinosaurs your favorite and of course you won. We watched Bluey and it’s a cool cartoon because you said that’s our family since we are a family of four. Things are good papa and I can’t wait for you to meet your sister you are gonna be in love with her and I can’t wait for you to see your mommy again. You’re so little and Innocent and I’m in love with you since you’re my mini me. You and your sister look alike so it’s gonna be funny to see how she looks when she gets bigger but y’all are twins at this same stage when you were her age. My papa bear I love you!
Okay I’m out y’all I need to try and get some rest too but I’ll keep y’all posted!
Hi baby girl this is your Daddy! I’m a girl dad and you are perfect! You have dimples a head full of hair and are such a sweet heart! You were born at 7:59am and came out crying/screaming. I immediately got tears in my eyes and told your mommy I loved her. I got to cut your umbilical cord and watch them clean you. I was in the moment as your mom and I had talked about last night.
Last night before you were born your brother fell asleep early and then woke up because his stomach hurt and your mom held him until he fell back to sleep. We both slept but it wasn’t like a deep sleep. Mommy and I were both nervous and we woke up this morning like damn this is it she’s coming.
We made it to the hospital and we got nervous of course we head Lana Del Rey with a Kaskade remix so your mom loved that.
Anyways your here I love you and I’m gonna focus on mommy cuz she’s hurting!
PS Your brother said you were cute and he wants to meet you and how did you get here lol
You had an amazing day and I loved every minute of it! The beach was amazing the ride over there to Monterey was super so much fun and our lunch in n out was delicious. I was nervous and scared but I was thankful for our day together. Our life is going to change today as your sister is being born.
We went to Darlene house yesterday too and you played for another 2 hours with the kids and it was so much fun. You love the water and you have so much love to give Z.
Okay Z I’m at the hospital with mama. We both cried leaving you because you mean that much to us!! Mommy gonna be like get off your phone so I’m out!
It’s almost midnight and you are almost here. I haven’t wrote you or written anything down because it’s been crazy and I’ve been scared. Your mommy is strong and is doing her best to make sure that when you come that you are as developed as possible.
Right now your brother Zebastian is asleep with mommy in our bed. We have a nursery that’s gonna be complete in less then a week and this is out last week with your brother being our only baby. I see your brother and sometimes I cry because I love him so much and it’s gonna be different with you coming into our world. When I mean it’s gonna be different I mean it in a good way.
I’m gonna go back and forth and try and fill you in whenever I remember things. First of all your brother thought you were going to be a boy and I did too but something said no it’s gonna be a girl. We were gonna do a gender reveal party thing but I think they are dumb so I was like nah I’m Koo off of that. Mommy came home with a ballon one day and we were gonna pop it. I closed my eyes and your brother and I popped it. When I opened them I saw pink and cried a little bit, I wanted a boy for Z but then I grabbed Z holding back tears and told him he’s gonna have to take care of his little sister and he said okay daddy.
GG you have a brother who absolutely loves you and has been a great big brother to you already. I know you will love him because he loves you.
As your Daddy I am scared because I know nothing about girls hair, dressing you, changing you and all that stuff but I am excited for the challenge and opportunity. I’m excited for being a girl dad and for you to be able to teach me things. I am scared about one day having to walk you down the aisle but I am also excited for our Father/ Daughter dance in school one day. I will play dress up with you and play dolls go to tea parties with you and anything else you want to do. I hope you look like your mom too!! I have a mini me in Zebastian already.
Z,
I love you so much and I really hope you feel it. I swear you are my best friend and I’m so happy you are my son and God chose me to be your Daddy. You love the ocean, walks/hikes, playing baseball which you are really good at!! You have some amazing hand eye coordination already and you get mad like me when I played sports. You love dinosaurs and Godzilla, we have daily battles with your toys and I think that we use that time to play with one another and I appreciate you and your innocents. I love you papa and thank you for showing me unconditional love and making me a better man.
BTW you said your first MF at home one day randomly and then you said it to Tio Mario. I laughed and was proud but was like damn I really can’t say anything in front of you. I will take all the credit for your bad language at 4 years old!
Anyways it’s late and I’m gonna go to bed! Tia Diana aka Baby D had her graduation party today and I took a nap from being so full. This is our last week as a family of 3 so I’m gonna be extra emotional and loving with you.
Gabby “ I’m tired” not gonna miss you saying that lol but you have been amazing and extremely strong this go around. You have done so much and are so super amazing! I love you with all my heart and appreciate everything you have done because you look good and have kicked ass this pregnancy!! I will continue to try and be patient and not complain. 😍
Good night the 3 of you. I love you all and GG welcome to the familia!
It’s been a very long time since I’ve written what’s happened in our little world. Well first and foremost we are all okay thank God. The world on the other hand is facing a crazy virus that has taken lives and has no end in sight. You however have made the most out of this. You have mama home even though she’s working from home and no school. You got the both things you wanted. We are doing good with you, teacher Rocio is sending out homework and mommy is doing that with you which is good. We go on walks everyday and play games. Mama Mari had a scare before everything went to shit so we are lucky to have her with us. We visit and we finally passed Donkey Kong. You were so happy when we did that. Right now we are supposed to be in a shelter in place for at least another month and thankfully you have a ton of toys and love from everyone to keep you busy. We are working on things together and you have a pretty good attitude with everything so that males me happy. Okay Z I’ll be writing you more on the things I didn’t write you about prior. Like always Z be good and take care of yourself and remember to be humble and to always help out whenever and wherever you can. I love you with all my heart.
daddytozebastian 